Stop Shuler -- Keep Heath Shuler Out of Washington

Shuler not stopped

Well, as you may have heard, Heath Shuler was elected to Congress today.

Back in January, when we found out Heath Shuler was running for Congress, we thought, "wouldn't it be funny to oppose his bid, purely on football reasons?" We think the conclusion, after all of this, is yes. Yes it was.

We did this for the cause of comedy. No higher ideals,no politics, nothing very noble. Technically, we are not residents of DC (we prefer sunny San Diego these days). Technically, we are Democrats. Even more technically, we are more liberal than Heath Shuler. And while we are dealing in technicalities, our family wants us back.

We learned lots of things along the way.

We realized that we're glad that we don't live in North Carolina's 11th Congressional district. Not just because we lack "mountain values," but because of who they had to choose from in this election. As much as we made fun of Heath Shuler for his football career, as a politician he really seemed like an empty suit. That being said, his opponent, Charles Taylor, was a rich old crook who had problems being even remotely appealing. It is amazing what happens when you start to look at the details of a specific Congressional election -- it's rather depressing, to be honest.

We've definitely learned that Deadspin rules. Nothing was a bigger influence in our traffic or our publicity they were. Thanks, Will.

Finally, we've learned that you people are cheap -- we only made $12 off the Stop Shuler Store. Thanks for nothing.

So what now? Do we protest Heath when he comes to DC? (We have had some feelers out to the good folks at Kissing Suzy Kolber about that) Do we do what we can to keep him away from the Redskins?

No, our work is done here. It was a good run, but we've got other things to worry about.

Good night, and good luck.

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Here are the key posts to catch up on, if you so choose:

• The Why. (The Stop Shuler Manifesto)
• The facts. (The Shuler Record)
• Buy a bumper sticker! (The Stop Shuler Store)
• We go negative. (A Better Day, The Shuler Record)
• Finally, an explanation. ("Every day but Sunday, I'm going to give 110%")
• We get a not-so-exclusive interview. (Heath Shuler Speaks!)
• Norv adds nothing (Norv Turner can't handle the truth)
• Contact us. (stopshuler@stopshuler.com)

Can we just skip to the election already?

   

When we chose to start this cause, we didn't realize we'd end up following the twists and turns of one of the more idiotic races in recent memory. Remember the whole debate thing, where Shuler couldn't do it because he doesn't work on Sundays? Well, they finally set up a debate -- a radio debate. How did it go? Before we tell you, just remember that both candidates are using the same playbook:

1. Pretend you want a debate
2. Find some way of not having a debate
3. Blame the other guy not having a debate

After the jump, you can read each side's version of #3. Please note -- those with a weak stomach for political double talk may not want to bother.

Bah -- we hope they both lose.

Our final demands

Well, the election is less than week away. Shuler is up in the polls, he didn't crumble under the pressure and drop out of the race during our interview, and Norv Turner won't even talk to us.

We think that this situation absolutely requires a really futile and stupid gesture be done on somebody's part, and well, we're just the guys to do it. Therefore, we are issuing the following communique from Stop Shuler HQ:

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StopShuler.com Demands Media Stop Referring to Congressional Candidate Heath Shuler as "Former NFL Quarterback"
"Failed NFL Quarterback" or "Former College Quarterback" More Accurate

November 1, 2006 – StopShuler.com, a website dedicated to keeping Heath Shuler out of Washington and therefore away from the Redskins, demanded today that the news media stop referring to North Carolina Congressional candidate Heath Shuler as a "Former NFL Quarterback" or, even worse, a "former Redskins Quarterback," calling these descriptions "inaccurate," "biased," and "deeply offensive."

"By any objective measurement, Heath Shuler was a terrible NFL quarterback," says the site. "The media should not refer to Shuler as a 'former NFL quarterback' any more than they refer to Michael Jordan as a 'former professional baseball player.' Why describe him as something he completely failed at?"

The site suggests several alternatives, all of which are more accurate:

• Failed NFL QB
• Former college QB
• Real Estate Magnate
• Tool of San Francisco liberals (suggested by opponent's campaign)
• Failed former college and NFL quarterback who also failed in the west coast offense (suggested by Heath Shuler himself in his interview with StopShuler.com)

If the StopShuler.com's demands are not met, the site says, they will whine incessantly to anyone with in earshot. Even more than usual.

For more information, please visit www.stopshuler.com.

About StopShuler.com
Stop Shuler has been the premier destination on the web to discuss Heath Shuler's football career since January of 2006. Featured in the Washington City Paper, by the Associated Press, in Sports Illustrated, and Deadspin, the site offers a fresh perspective on the Congressional race in North Carolina's 11th district. Does anybody actually read this part of a press release?